Mission Fish Kingdom = FAIL.

I was right. Latest and final casualty:

The boys in the office suspected that the other fishes must've died of stress when we changed the water and washed the pebbles last week. So since I didn't go to work last Monday, they took the task of fishing out the dead bodies and changing the water again. Apparently, it didn't help that this last one spent two days swimming in mineral water. She must've died of loneliness. Lonely sucks.

Lonely is different from alone because you can be alone but not lonely, and you can be surrounded by a thousand people and still feel lonely.

National Day of Mourning for the Fishies

I just learned this afternoon that 8 of my 9 fishes had died over the long Independence Day break. 6 babies and two biggies. There is one survivor, a black unnamed fish, which I suspect will die any time soon. Too bad I'm not in the office to bury them with dignity. hahaha!

----------------------------------------------------------

I took a leave from work today because my dad asked me to accompany my mom in her dialysis treatment. On one hand, I like going with my mom because I get to spend time her and reciprocate the care she's given me all these years. On the other hand, I hate it because the dialysis center is just too damn depressing and I can't help but panic a bit every time other people's machines would sound off alerts. It's an open place where about ten lazy boys are lined up on both sides of the room and everyone is just so visible to everyone else.

This morning, on one side of the room was a really old man who appeared to get a seizure periodically. The nurses and his companion didn't seem to make a fuss out of it but I was so disturbed during the first few times that it would act up. Beside my mom was another man with really darkened skin (darkened because it's a result of undergoing treatment for a lot of years already). I was comparing his breathing with my mom's by the movement of their chests. I observed that his was more rhythmic while my mom's seemed irregular but that's how it's always been. So I was watching his chest rise and fall, rise and fall... and then it stopped. I waited a while but it looked like it really stopped, mehn. I didn't show it but I was panicking as hell! I managed to discretely get the attention of one of the nurses attending to another patient and calmly pointed to the man. The nurse nudged his shoulder gently and then he woke up and gasped for air. I think he also had some sort of apnea idon'thaveaclue and apparently, that always happens to him and I was told he normally comes back on his own in about a minute (a minute!!!).

I guess I never recovered after that incident earlier this year when my mom was declared dead on arrival but was thankfully revived. My dad and sister seem to have gotten over that experience already but after that, I was never comfortable in a hospital ever again to think I spent some of my childhood days hanging around hospitals as we're a family of doctors and nurses. At that time when we had that harrowing episode with my mom, in contrast to my father and sister, I had trouble expressing what I felt. I talked to no one about how I really felt. When people would call to ask how we were, I always told them not to worry about me and just help us with prayers. I think I was even able to share a laugh with some of them even under those unfortunate circumstances because that's how I am - I try to find humor in everything.

And then I had an emo moment with the pedicab drivers when I went for a walk by myself. Feeling suffocated inside the ER, I went out and walked along Kalaw street where there's a pedicab terminal. I don't know when exactly I decided to do it but I suddenly stopped, stood by the steal barrier which separated pedestrians from pedicabs and broke down in front of the manongs. I just felt really helpless at that time because things weren't looking good but I didn't want my mother to see me losing hope. I also didn't want to face the reality of dealing with death again and I probably just needed a good cry to ease the burden. After about 5-10 minutes, I wiped my face with a 25-peso hanky I got from the tiangge stall at a nearby mini mall and went back in like nothing happened.

The next day, we got assurance from the doctors that Mom was on the road to recovery.

-----------------------------

Skull City

My SkullCandy Smokin' Buds were broken about 8 months ago and I've been looking for a replacement since. Been checking all the Power Mac Centers (even in Cebu!) but they were all out of stock for ear buds. So I got Senheisser earphones (not the closed type for work so I can still hear external noise well) and Philips crystal earbuds for ladies (because it's... feminine and gold). They were also good but I don't know why I keep breaking those in-ear things.

So this evening, I was at Festival Mall and I noticed this low-key gadgets store I never went to before. And there, like golden treasures inside the Pyramid, was a rack full of SkullCandy stuff! Smokin' Buds, Chops, Headphones...

To make the long story short, I came home a few thousand bucks poorer, no thanks to the beautifully packaged silver SkullCandy Full Metal Jacket noise-isolating in-ears with in-line microphone for iPhone and Blackberry Curve (it can be used as a hands-free set for answering calls). The weird thing about it is I don't own an iPhone or a Blackberry and I don't use the hands-free but it looks really cool. It comes with two sets of comply foam tips and three silicon gel sizes.

The broken pair which I really liked:

... and I'm just really looking for things to write about, aren't I?

Independence Day Writing Exercise

I'm running out of things to write about but I want to write and I don't mean I want to write as in work-write but write as in therapeutic writing. So for lack of good music, a good movie, good event or good anything to write about, I'm just gonna talk about Formula 1. Hahaha.

My three all-time favorite drivers:

Kimi Raikkonen

I think I've written enough about him to demonstrate why I've always rooted for him since 2003. He did not come from a well-to-do family and he is where he is now because of sheer talent. He didn't even have to go through the usual ranks in racing before driving for F1. He went straight to F1 from Formula Renault, the lowest world racing class. He just has the natural driving ability. His anti-poster boy approach to his celebrity also adds to his charm. He simply doesn't give a damn about what people say. Kimi and Ferrari aren't having a good season this year, with a slew of technical problems and all that. Much has been written about his lack of motivation and enthusiasm for the sport but I don't think he's underperforming by himself. In Barcelona and Monaco, he showed that he can make something out of a bad car and the fact that he's not on top now should give him more reason to be motivated. He would be able to do more if he had a better car.

Felipe Massa

This guy has become better over the years. I think in some instances, it shows that he's able to get more out of the Ferrari cars than his teammate. Perhaps what contributes to this is the fact that Massa has always been with Ferrari. He's deeply rooted in the company culture, starting out as a test driver, eventually playing second fiddle to Michael Schumacher before being paired with Kimi Raikkonen. In many ways, he's more comfortable with the team in terms of familiarity. In contrast to Kimi Raikkonen's sheer talent, Felipe Massa had to work really hard to get to this level and last year, his efforts paid off when he ranked second in the World Driver's Championship after a heartbreakingly exciting last race of the season where he had to fight Lewis Hamilton.

This season saw the failure of the bigger guns in favor of the smaller, private teams but I don't think it would end without a single Ferrari win whether it still matters or not in terms of championship points. Ferrari needs to work on coming up with ideas on how to make their car more competitive and be able to challenge Brawn. They have the best driver pairing on the grid now and if they have a better car, it should make for a more exciting season.

Fernando Alonso

It's love-hate for him. I always thought that he's a really good driver who can make the most out of a lemon car, overtakes well, and shows the dedication for the sport. I just didn't like how he reacted to the Lewis Hamilton issue when they were teammates at McLaren in 2007. Unexpectedly, Hamilton, then McLaren's #2, proved to be competitive and became a title contender in his first year. This didn't sit well with Alonso, also a title contender, who always enjoyed a one-driver team in Renault where his former team focused all the attention, development and strategy on their #1, making it clear that #2 is #2 and he's just there to support and not challenge #1.

There were so many negative things written about him but only one thing was evident – he didn't enjoy sharing the limelight with his teammate. But as that became water under the bridge, Alonso went back to Renault where he's the clear priority at the expense of second driver Nelson Piquet Jr… and he's performing really well. There's a lot of talk of him making the move to Ferrari in 2011 to replace Raikkonen if he retires or gets fired, whichever comes first. If it happens, we'll have to see how Alonso would handle that one because after Schumacher, Ferrari has successfully maintained a two-driver team, managing both driver championship title contentions within the team with one win for Kimi in 2007 and an almost-there for Felipe in 2008.

*Okay, as I'm writing this, the Lakers just won. 3 – 1. Yey.

My two new favorite drivers (or should we say, next two favorites):

Sebastian Vettel

Aside from showing promise, I find him really funny! He was the pole-sitter in Turkey but finished third due to a mistake where he ran wide and some team strategy towards the end (his team ordered him not to chase teammate Mark Webber who was in second). He was clearly disappointed but he was laughing while talking to the media at the post-race presscon. He seems like a good guy to hang out and have a good laugh with.

Nico Rosberg

I really think he's a good driver in a less than competitive car. I believe he can do better and if one day, he gets the opportunity that Jenson Button has now, he will shine. Brightly. It does help that he's also good – looking, lives in Monaco, has a plane, a boat… haha for love or money. Most of the drivers have those, too, but not the looks. *grins*

Nico Rosberg sometimes looks like he can play a Vampire in True Blood.

Admittedly, there are far better drivers out there than those I've outlined above but I've never been one who kinda just goes with the flow. I don't have to root for anyone just because everybody else does, and not because they're reigning F1 "it" boys.

Michael Schumacher

He's clearly one of the best racing drivers out there (7-time world champion to be exact) but he sometimes made really bad decisions that made people wonder if he's really a legend or a cheat. In 2006, he deliberately stalled his car on the Monte Carlo circuit in qualifying to hinder other drivers from posting better lap times. A number of times, he started in pole position and his teammate would always finish behind him after weaving across the track to stop anyone from overtaking. There were a lot of instances like this and you couldn't help but doubt not his domination but the way he got there.

Lewis Hamilton

Another undeniably good driver. His rookie performance was one for the books! And when he finally nailed the championship in 2008, everybody was really happy for him. But you know, the novelty of him being the first black F1 champion is wearing off. He went into F1 and stepped into a straight out competitive car that allowed him to challenge and win the championship in his first year. Unfortunately, this year, the scenario is very much different. McLaren is suffering and Hamilton is miserable as ever. Now, people say he's having a difficult time accepting and coping with the situation.

Perhaps it was just his youth but he was too eager. When he emerged as a worldwide phenomenon in 2007 – 08, I don't think he was able to handle it that well. He fought with his former teammate in a media frenzy and eventually he also fought with the media. This was evident in one famous exchange with the media when he lost his cool at the Brazil GP 2007 post-q press con. This was followed, of course, by a media backlash (I mean if you're innocent, why were you so touchy?!).

Excerpts:

Q: (Anne Giuntini – L'Equipe) For Lewis. For everybody it is evident that twice you disturbed Kimi. Is everything good to become a world champion?

LH: To be honest there is no reason for me to do anything to Kimi because if anything he can win… (inaudible from the audience)

LH: Well, I came out of the pits and the guys said that, obviously, because Fernando was behind me and I could not hold him up in the pits… So I came out of the pit lane and they said you will come out close to Kimi and I came out and when you are at that sort of speed your mirrors are vibrating and so you cannot see too much and then I realised that he was very, very close and so I slowed down and I noticed I can't attack the corner like he was, so I backed out and he went past me.

Q: (Anne Giuntini – L'Equipe) ...You never showed him clearly that you would give him the track free?

LH: What do you want me to do? Put the indicator on?

Q: (Anne Giuntini – L'Equipe) You know exactly...

LH: I did the best job I could to get out of the way. And I did apologise to him if I did get in his way.

Q: (Anne Giuntini – L'Equipe) Is that what you call the best job?

LH: Yes.

Q: (Anne Giuntini – L'Equipe) As a sportsman?

LH: Yes, how are you at your job? Are you the best at your job? You have never made mistakes… No?

Q: (Anne Giuntini – L'Equipe) Sometimes…

LH: Oh really.

The funny thing was Kimi was at that press conference as well. Wonder why the reporter grilled just Hamilton and didn't pay much attention to Kimi's reaction. I guess if she focused on Raikkonen, it would have killed her story because Raikkonen never complains about anything and doesn't like talking trash about other people or wasting energy to dissect events of the past which can't be changed. Oh wait… some other reporter did ask Kimi:

Q: (Andrea Cremonesi – La Gazzetta dello Sport) Kimi, could you count the time that you lost with Lewis and did you feel in that moment that he did something wrong to you?

KR: I don't know. I haven't seen any data to see what happened. I don't know for sure, I don't know. I think other people can judge what has been done and make decisions. For sure, there could have been a slightly easier way to let me pass, but it is the way it is now and it doesn't interest me anymore.

Hahaha. It happened already and there's no use in talking about it.

BTW, how's this for a writing exercise? :-)

What does my blog say about me?

Perhaps that...

1. I follow F1 (a Kimi/Ferrari fan at that)
2. I'm happy, bored, happy, QLC-ing, happy, depends on which day I choose to write (and I rant about stuff online)
3. I take note (not necessarily heed) the advice of people around me
4. I like music
5. I like Twilight, Entourage, Gossip Girl, True Blood
6. I'm a loyal Atenean
7. I don't like American Idol

Oh yeah, all that and you don't know jack!

High-fives for Brawn and Two Thumbs Up for Ferrari!

For a superb Monaco race! Jenson is unstoppable and old man Rubens is having the time of his life at Brawn.

The lead is comfortable but there's no room for complacency as Ferrari is on the rebound and they're fast getting back to being a title contender.

Kamusta naman ang post-race hair? Jabarnation!

This bottle of champaigne must've tasted really sweet for Kimi -- his first from the podium in 2009. Drink before spray!

The next races should be interesting. Would be good to see alternating wins because honestly, I'm happy for Button and Brawn, but it's getting boring to always see the same people up there, much like Ferrari's dominance during the Schumacher era.

Turkey's next. Vamoose!

Relapse!

The official New Moon poster has been leaked before its official release tomorrow and these are getting me fired up for Twilight again! Sheesh, tagal pa!



I already said before that I don't like Robert Pattinson anymore because he apparently stinks...



but what can I do?! I am only human! Uuuuuuuuuuuuuurngh!

What is Formula 1 without the REDS?

Ferrari is almost synonymous to Formula 1 so it's really surprising to hear FIA President Max Mosley say that F1 can survive without Ferrari. This is in response to the latter's threat of quitting the sport should the proposed budget cap be imposed. He may have a point in saying that Ferrari is expendable -- true. It will take time but the sport may actually survive without the Maranello squad. Mosley pointed out that it's just like the case of Senna who was at one point the most important race car driver in the history of the sport but after he got killed, Formula 1 went on anyway.

I personally think that it's highly unlikely for Ferrari to leave. I'm almost certain that they will find a way to resolve this because Ferrari wants to be in F1 as much as F1 wants Ferrari there.

Ferrari may be bluffing or maybe they're not but we also shouldn't underestimate Mosley's resolve. But think about it, would we rather have more small teams come in and take part in the most glamorous sport and lose the big names like Ferrari, BMW, Renault and Toyota? The manufacturers make the engines. If the manufacturers leave and the small teams come in, Cosworth is waiting to make some money.

Unfortunately in Ferrari's case, that would put an end to 60 years of greatness.

What A Difference A Day Makes

Today’s the day my life begins. All my life I’ve been just me. Just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future. To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I’ll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I for one can’t wait.
- Alex Karev for Izzie Stevens

It's been a while since there was a really good Greys Anatomy episode and the one last night had me in tears from middle to end... wishing I had my own Alexander Michael Karev.

I remember another episode which I really liked, and it also included a cardio surgeon reciting his wedding vows.

Christina, I could promise to hold you and to cherish you. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say ’till death do us part. But I won’t. Those vows are for optimistic couples. The ones full of hope. And I do not stand here, on my wedding day, optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful. I am sure, I am steady, and I know. I am a heart man: I take them apart, I put them back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend. My heart, my heart, beats for you. And on this day, the day of my wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hand. I promise you ME.

- Preston Burke for Christina Yang

Very nice. But the worst part is that none of it is real.

RED means STOP.

Last Monday, someone told me that I was impatient because I kept clicking ahead on the PowerPoint slides when the presenter wasn't done discussing the previous one. Well, that person was right... the same night I got caught beating the red light.

I'm young, restless and impatient. All my friends know that. Wonder how I manage to stay in one place for so long.

Well, well, well, what the hell.