Throw Your Arms Around Me.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that at the end of the day, I find that it's not the work that frustrates me.

And I'm not not sure what I'm holding out for or what's in the way. This frustration is unnecessary and I'm not sure I want to do this for a long time.

This shouldn't be it. Whatever I think, say or do next could be perceived as selfish, but it has got to happen.




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Day 4: Dad and Mom

Day 4: Your parents

(Note: Because I feel like it, I'm continuing the 30-day blogger challenge I started in August 2011. Here's my second attempt at finishing it!)

I think my parents are a good match in that they balance each other out.

 

Mom is a disciplinarian, owing to her Spanish heritage.  Her dad was pure Spanish, who married a Filipina and my mom and her six other siblings grew up in a very strict and calculated environment.  They had house rules and they obeyed them. Their family is very traditional and so are their values. This is apparent in the way my uncle and aunts from mom's side would raise their children - very strict and prohibitive, bordering on overprotection and suffoctation. From bathing to eating to studying and how one carries himself in public -- everything is covered by rules of what and what not to do.  To a certain extent, Mom shares this mentality with the rest of her family, but I think she's exercising a lot of caution in imposing these things on us given the fact that my dad does not operate in the same way.  I share my pet peeve for dirty toilets with my mom and her spending habits -- we're both impulsive shoppers. We're not the type to shop every chance we get, but when we want something, we have to get it, even if it means realizing weeks, months or years later that we didn't need what we wanted after all.

 

Dad is very liberated. Although they have traditional family values, our grandparents from Dad's side have been lenient in exercising them, or at least that's what I remember from all the years we spent with our grandparents during our childhood. Dad is not strict at all. Occasionally, we get reminders from him but it's never as if he were scolding us. He would use sarcasm to drive a message and that works for me and my sister.  He leaves the disciplining to Mom, but he steps in most of the time to act as our lawyer. I see myself as my Dad's mini-me. We share a lot of common interests and he's such a big influence in my life. I went to Ateneo because when I was growing up, he made me believe that there was no better school. So when I was in Ateneo, I got confirmation: There's no better school. HAHA. I like fast cars, love the water and drink like a fish -- just like my father.

 

Most of the children out there would say their parents are the best. I would say the same for me. I am here because of them. I'm having a good great life so far and I wouldn't have had experienced any of this had it not for these two people who are the world's greatest.

 

 

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Wanderlust

Hanging out in a coffee shop because I woke up early and decided to head to work well ahead of time.

I've been doing a lot of domestic traveling this year, and it helps in some way. I'm listing the places I've been to so far. Memories are the best souvenirs :)

January: Boracay, La Union
February: Boracay
March: nowhere
April: nowhere
May: Ilocos, Batangas, FRANCE
June: Batangas, La Union, Mindoro
July: nowhere
August: Iloilo, Boracay
September: Zambales, Boracay

:)

Driving on a Sunday Afternoon

I cherish long drives on Sunday afternoons, when the traffic isn't so bad and the weather is just right, like today. This is my alone time in the city.

Armed with my Sunday playlist, I set out to drive up north to meet a friend and watch a movie. I took the longer route. Instead of passing through C5, I took EDSA through Katipunan going to Eastwood.

The drive from our home to Eastwood has given me enough time to reflect on so many things, mainly on how I miss the simplicity that comes with youth. I love that not a lot has changed. Katipunan still has that familiar charm inspite of the many commercial establishments that have sprung up since we went down the hill 8 years ago. There is that old familiar feeling reminiscent of the good times; all those crazy nights and lazy days. We hung out with the same people at the same places everyday but it was never monotonous. The days were fun, hectic, boring, dramatic or wild, depending on what episode you're watching.

Fast forward to 8 years later and I'm still sorting myself out. I'm pretty anxious about what lies ahead, but eager to see what more is in store.

Our lives tend to play out in the most unexpected ways. What I am now is not how I pictured myself to be when I was younger.

The present is a result of the decisions I've made in the past and I don't have any regrets. I've come to realize that reality is often at odds with our ideals, but we are in a position to make the most of what we have, take the best out of it, and be grateful for everything.

Being grateful just makes everything look better.

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I want a one-way ticket to anywhere.

Boracay used to be a happy pill, now it has become more of a pain killer that can only last for so long.

I think I'm overwhelmed by the monotony of the day-to-day, enhanced by the fact that sometimes, the environment can be somewhat demotivating.

It's a little bit discouraging to feel like as if I don't share the same level of committment with other people who are supposed to have an even higher sense of ownership. And I'm just really, really, really tired of how things are sometimes.

A drink, a trip to the beach  --- they've all lost their magic.


:(

Reality vs Expectations

Sometimes, it just sucks not to know, and worse, to not have the courage to ask. We just have to live with what we have, accept what's thrown our way and pray that we're getting it right.

And sometimes it gets really frustrating to not be able to say what we want to say and do what we want to do.


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Revenge of the Fallen

A lot of things are going on lately and a lot of things are being done around us. It's a challenging time, but when I say challenging, I don't mean difficult. It's challenging in a way that it fires up your insides and pushes you towards a goal.

And all this is brought about by circumstance. It's nobody's fault, but it's everybody's responsibility.


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Quick check-in

I've been meaning to write here and I've already thought of several topics.

Pero wait lang, busy ako!



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We're in hell right now, Gentlemen.

And, we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light.  - Tony D'Amato (Al Pacino), Any Given Sunday


Actually, we're not in hell. 


Just thought that this line from one of my favorite movies was a good one. The past few months have been pretty cray at work, with a lot of good and not-so-good developments (wouldn't say bad), but We. Are. Not. In. Hell. In fact, things are looking up and I'm positive that we will have a strong finish this year.


Of course, there are crappy days and weeks, but everyone has them, right? Without crappy, we wouldn't know happy. Like many brave soldiers, we carry on day by day and make the best of what's left to us, and fight for what we think we deserve.


We shall leave no stone unturned. I get goosebumps whenever I come across Al Pacino's locker room scene in Any Given Sunday. I feel it. If you don't get even just an ounce of motivation from it, I don't know what kind of cold-hearted creature you are.


"You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing."

Lenten Reflections (Oh My God)

When we were younger, we observed the Lenten season quite differently. This was the time when there were just the malls, TV, radio and nothing else. We felt the solemnity of the season because of the quietness of the surroundings -- malls were closed, TV stations showed religious movies, and radio stations played nothing.

Today, it's different. I feel that somehow, the significance of the season is a bit diluted owing to the fact that there are a lot of distractions. Twitter, Path, Pinterest, Draw Something... and the tons of torrents I downloaded.  More people see it as vacation season than a time for reflection, and I'm not judging them although our family's the type who would stay instead of be somewhere else because we're all brought up that way.  Now, to me, the holy days sometimes feel like any other holiday. No work and that's it.

I admit that I've been jaded about Lent for quite a while. When we do the Stations of the Cross, it feels like The Rosary. A bunch of repetitive prayers that sometimes lose its meaning in the middle of the act, when your mind begins to zone out, wishing to get it over and done with.  What's more meaningful to me are the personal prayers - praying on my own in my room, while driving in the car or kneeling before the altar at the church because the way we profess our faith now is kind of disenchanting. Some people go to mass for the heck of it, like a requirement that you have to do but would jump at any chance to have a super valid reason to skip it. 

I was bored out of my wits on Holy Wednesday and Holy Thursday.  Staved off the boredom on Holy Wednesday by driving up north to see friends and have a couple of beers.  What made a difference, though, was the decision to do the Way of the Cross at Highstreet on the night of Holy Thursday. I decided to do it for two things: 1) I felt slightly guilty of not doing anything for Lent. No mass on Ash Wednesday, no fasting and not even observing the no-meat Fridays; and 2) I was bored and wanted to go out.

The Way of the Cross at Highstreet made a difference because it personalized the otherwise routinary Stations of the Cross. It doesn't really describe the stations through scriptures entirely, instead, it encourages the participant to reflect, through certain Acts, on the real meaning of Lent. Aside from being reminded of how God so loved the world that He gave his only son, that Way of the Cross also made me think about my own life - the blessings I have and the people around me who make my life worth living. I came out eternally grateful, again, to the Lord, and to all my loved ones.  At one point, as part of the activity, I confessed my sins to the air, and felt comfort knowing that I've been absolved.

I liked it because it was personal. It was an entirely different way of reflecting and experiencing Lent, of recognizing and seeking absolution for my misgivings, of appreciating the blessings and the challenges thrown my way, of praying and seeking strength and guidance, and of reinforcing the fact that I have not lost my faith and that I just needed a more sincere way of practicing it.

Writing a prayer for the people who make our lives worth living. #WayOfTheCross #BHS

I remember one particular moment this afternoon (Holy Thursday), while I was lost in my own world tinkering with my iPod and BlackBerry alternately, my Mom reminded me about how good God has been to our family.  Four incidents of cardiac arrest and a heart attack, but still, here we are, talking to each other on Maundy Thursday.

I have always known this, so I wouldn't say it's a realization, but somehow the thought still struck me: God really is here. He has always listened to and answered my prayers even if I question Him ALL THE TIME.  I do not always understand Him, but I've always believed Him.  And I don't only call on to Him in times of deep trouble or dire need.  God is the first one I call when the roller coaster takes that sudden dip or when Ryan Gosling takes off his shirt or when I finally get that first swig of beer after a long day at work.

OH. MY. GOD. Thank you for everything.

I love you.

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