Thursday, February 21, 2008

{Basket Case} I am one of those melodramatic fools

Disclaimer: This post is completely hormonal.

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
I hate it when 'this' hits me (and I don't even know exactly what 'this' is). Today is one of those particulars days when I just feel that my life sucks. Well, not totally. Just kind of. It's one of those days that couldn't have been salvaged by alcohol. It just feels so awful. I get thoughts in my head driving me to do things and make decisions hastily and I know that I'll regret these later on. I've been in this situation one too many times and the sad thing is that realizations always come in the end -- when I realize that I could've handled things better. The good thing, though, is I've learned to deal with it. I'm proud to say that I've successfully convinced myself not to act on impulse. I had the urge to finally decide once and for all to free myself from whatever, and imagined myself spending long days just watching TV, going out, doing absolutely nothing for the next six to twelve months. Or I can pass time learning to play the violin or some weird non-mainstream instrument, help out with a NGO, learn a new sport or something. teach in a pre-school... I don't know.

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
I just want something new in my life now because I kinda feel that I'm doing things without a purpose, with no real reason and no real motivation. What's in it for me anyway? The sorry part is the more I'm becoming entrenched, the more I realize that this isn't what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do exactly but this doesn't feel like 'it'. This serves me well at the present perhaps because of the fact that I CAN do it and if I choose to, I can excel. If I'm right for this then why do I feel so restless and not so into it? Or could it be that I've become so comfortable and now I want to leave my comfort zone?

It all keeps adding up. I think I'm crackin' up
This blog was locked for a time until I cleared everything I wrote from the last time I posted in December. It's just not for public consumption and I don't want people to come across it and misinterpret everything. Moreso, I don't want to be so vocal about what I'm going through because I don't want to rub it off on the those around me. BUT those people shouldn't be fooled because beneath the exterior, I'm just someone who hasn't got a clue. Oh yes, yes, yes. I'm overrated and I know it. haha

(Am I just paranoid?) I'm just stoned.
Still and all, this is just one of 'em days. I know one day soon I'll wake up and feel perfectly fine. It's all just a cycle.

Monday, February 11, 2008


When the punishment fits the crime, there's no reason you can't celebrate your sentence in style.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


By Douglas Coupland

When you're a tech geek working for the world's biggest software company, it's already understood that you don't have a life... or at least in this book. What really matters, the author says, is your brains. Never mind that your hair grew wayward, that your working outfit consists of the usual khaki slacks, company branded shirts, white socks and Birkenstocks, as long as you're a think tank that never runs out of bright ideas. One of the philosophies presented in the book is this: If you can't make yourself worthwhile to society, then that's your problem, not society's. People are personally responsible for making themselves relevant. I agree in a sense that you really have to make an effort to make yourself useful at home, in the workplace, to your friends... otherwise, you'll become redundant such that people will begin to forget you. That's the basic principle of mutualism -- give and take.

Geeks graduate from college, get hired at Microsoft or Apple or any similar company for that matter, work their asses off and think that relationships will happen naturally. Next thing they know, they wake up at thirty and realize that they've never been kissed.

This is a really fascinating (and sometimes funny) read about a fictional bunch of geeks who worked at Microsoft, obsessed about Bill Gates, and eventually decided to leave the comforts of having the coolest, high-paying jobs in search for what they call a 'life'. Although written in 1995, it remains relevant today except for the technologies mentioned (if you're expecting iPods and the like, well, it didn't even talk about Windows XP, to say the least). The book was written in first person, a journal where the day-to-day undertakings of the characters were recorded. Most of the journal entries were just observations but it was through these that we get to pick up a lesson or two about life.

For example, it is said in the book that work is providing us with a comforting sense of normalcy. Simply grinding away at something makes life feel stable even though the external particulars of life are, at best, random. Quarter-life crisis, is that you?

There's no major issue or event in the book that needed a resolution -- it's just filled with thought-provoking statements, almost a collection of musings, aphorisms and reflections about technology, work, work-life balance, families and relationships, that paint a picture of what some of us are probably going through, or went through in life.


by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus

I just needed something to do while having my hair treated at the salon and so I bought this book on a whim. The cover gave the impression that it's a light read and it was.

In a nutshell, it tells of a girl who fell in love in highschool. The man of her dreams left her without any explanation on prom night and went on to become a super popular rockstar. All the songs this guy wrote were about her - their experiences together, her mother... One day, the guy went back to their hometown to shoot a special segment for MTV and the woman scorned took this as an opportunity to make him regret his existence, and to achieve some kind of closure for herself as well.

It's a bit something like "if you had a second chance with the one that got away," only the ending of this novel seemed more realistic than the usual happily ever after conclusions. And while the plot was interesting, the mode of storytelling was a bit lackluster and after a while, I got tired of their issues and wished they'd just drop it already. I still read through it (without cheating) just to see if it turns out the way I thought it would. It's nothing like The Nanny Diaries by the same authors. The chapters alternated between timelines from way back when they were in highschool to the present (in their 30s) and it really got me wondering if the characters ever matured at all.