I dare you to annoy me.

Annoy me! Annoy me! Because I love it when you show me that you don't really trust me.

You're winning the dare.


....

63

My mom turned 63 today, and I can't even begin to express how truly, truly, grateful I am that we survived another year. Every day that we have our mother with us is a cause for celebration. We have so much to be thankful for because for all of its ups and downs and occasional scares, life's been good to our family.

I'm definitely having one of those moments when I feel so so eternally grateful beyond words. I'm overwhelmed.

Thank you, Lord.

....

One Fine Friday

I've been writing a lot for the past three weeks or so, and I still want to write. I just think that I'll take a break from writing work stuff and write something that does not aim to establish a brand, create awareness, generate publicity, encourage preference... nothing that will highlight, demonstrate, position and, of course (how can I forget), leverage shiznit, because at one point, we all need a break from the things that we usually do.

And that's exactly what I did. About a month ago, I was talking to my friends about how we should do something together that doesn't necessarily involve going out of town or out of the country. Because we've heard good reviews about it, we all agreed to take the Living La Vida Imelda Walking Tour by Carlos Celdran.  The thing was it's only scheduled on Fridays, which is of course a work day. I checked the number of leaves I had and found that I still got nine left so I filed it anyway, really wanting to try it out.

I knew that this Friday was going to be different on all counts. For one, I'm almost going to turn seven at work and I've never had to take a leave for no specific reason at all (valid vacation leaves for me are the ones that are really used for vacation -- meaning trips or what not). I know of a few people who take leaves to 'rest' at home -- so this is a first for me. I took a leave to gallivant around Manila, something that I otherwise could've done on a weekend if not for the Friday only tour.

But it's not like I pick a random day and decide not to go to work.  As the date came closer, I had to take considerations as well.  After I agreed to join the tour and filed my leave, an event came up on the same day plus a lot of stuff to submit (like we ever run out) for other clients. I'm the type who feels guilty and uneasy if I know that something's going on at work and I'm not IN it personally, but then again, I thought -- if for some reason I suddenly vanish from the face of the earth, these people should be able to pull through, right? I have tremendous trust in the people that we put in place to manage things for our clients -- Perceptions is the perfect case study about why age is just a number.  This is a place where young twenty-somethings manage clients and run events on their own; who, inspite of their youthful facade, are able to measure up to any seasoned professional and call the shots as if they belonged to the industry since forever.  These are the people I work with everyday, and everyday we learn something new from each other. On one hand, I know their whims, quirks, issues, areas for improvement and what not, while on the other hand, I also know what they're capable of based on how they progress and that's what we try to maximize.  I was once in their place and while I kind of resented it before, I now appreciate the value of (sometimes) being left (alone) in-charge even at quite an early stage in my career. Because age is just a number. And it also helped that technology now is so ingrained in a person's lifestyle that I was able to monitor them throughout the day, answer calls, emails and what not... Not that I needed to.  I would imagine that 'monitoring' part wasn't so much of value to them as it was to me. If anything, it gave me the peace of mind that nothing fell through the cracks.

Anyway, after successfully shaking off that bothering thought of not being at work when I'm supposed to, I began my Friday Friday fun fun fun.  And this was how the unusual day went:

• Hit the slot machines at 8:45 am and, in 20 minutes, walked out P 6,000.00 richer. This was the first time I saw the Opus / Republiq area of Newport so deserted, and the first time I entered the casino as the first activity of the morning.

• Bought tickets for me and my friends to the 9:45 am screening of Harry Potter with the casino prize money, thanks to Newport Malls 24-hour screening on Fridays and Saturdays.
• Met my friends for a round of "iced tea" at Bar 360 before the movie."
• Got popcorn at 9:45 am which we munched on in the moviehouse.
• By noon, exited the movie house and had lunch at Pepper Steak (now this is normal).
• Went window-shopping before driving to CCP for the Walking Tour.
• Went to Iceberg's at Harbor Center and ordered iced desserts and tacos before the tour because it's hot.
• Joined the very interesting Imelda Walking Tour. Recommended!
• Headed to Mall of Asia to check out our client event.
• Hung out the mall a bit and had a few (or otherwise) rounds of beer over sushi and chill conversations.
• Headed back to Resorts World, and this time, got to learn a new table game which I will only get to play when I have the capability to. It's nice to actually understand a casino game for once (because I don't think anyone ever really gets how those slot machines work, right?).
• Decided to head home and get some shut eye after the casino instead of having some more drinks (see, this day's so different).

After a few days of not being in the mood for anything and feeling like life is one huge boring routine, all it really took was a day like this to take me back and realize that it ain't as bad as it seems.

And the best days are always the ones spent in good company.  These are the days that start and end well. I love my friends (those who were part of this day, you know who you are!).

Whip your hair back and forth! (if you have hair!)

....

Birthday blues... Sort of.

Is it possible to ever get tired of drinking? No? Exactly what I thought. It's Thirstday and I find myself busy infront of my computer, working because a day is just not enough -- and I've also said this many times before - I'm less functional during the day than I am during the night.

Thirstday... and my friends and I are all busy doing our own stuff. Somehow, everyone of us had work to do tonight. Some more fun (like managing the sponsors at FHM's 100 Sexiest Party) and some worse (the type that they're forced to do).  Unlike the usual, today is the only day of the week where no alcohol entered my system and I'd like to think that's a good thing to a certain extent - the liver needs a rest, too... but who am I kidding, right? If I had someone else to drink with right now, that's probably what I'd be doing, but work is a good alternative for staving off boredom. At least I get to (somewhat) free my day tomorrow and ease the load a bit, because I really feel more productive in the wee hours of the morning when no one else is around.

And so because if it were a regular Thirstday I'm supposed to be up until the wee hours of the morning, my body sort of doesn't want to go to sleep yet. I'm left with my own head to mess with, and it's definitely not one of those days when I'm on a natural high. This is more of a natural low, like the proverbial birthday blues, only, my birthday has long passed. Or it could be something like Quarter Life Crisis, only I'm not sure if I'll live to be a hundred years old. I don't know what will take me out of this rut. It is natural for women to get hormonal, right? So perhaps that's one of the reasons why.

I want to walk barefoot on the beach, have some beers, engage in a really nice conversation, have a good laugh, get high from a concert, see a really good movie, dance like no one's watching, sing like a rockstar, cry my heart out, hug a friend really tight, meet new people, eat something so delicious I close my eyes the moment I taste it, get totally hammered without a hangover the day after, be awestruck by something marvelous, drive really fast on a freeway, run aimlessly, get wet in the rain and feel good about it, finish a good book, fly somewhere I've never been, and finally, create something legen...wait for it... dary.

Life's simple joys. Those moments when you feel like you're totally alive. That's what I really want.

But for the meantime:

GAME. FACE. ON.

....

When It's Too Late to Apologize

I've never been a gifted liar. Actually, NO. Screw that. I can be a really good liar, except to the people who know me well. I don't think I'm even capable of masking my feelings, my eyes and smile betray me most of the time - at least to those who know.

There are moments, mornings after, when you wish you could take back time and do things differently. I know myself and I admit that I have the tendency to cross the lines, hit below the belt and what not, but it's usually not until hours after, when I look back on the things that transpired, that I begin to wonder if I went a little overboard.

Then guilt manifests itself. It's not so much the thought of what was done or said, but more of the fact that someone was probably offended, moreso if it's someone that I value.  An apology is the quickest fix - after all, people who care about each other (friends, family, whoever) wouldn't be able to stay angry at each other for long periods. Then again, it's all about timing. If an apology is in order, I believe it has to be done at once and not a few hours later. Apologizing also has that risk of making a big deal of what could be otherwise to the other party, because after all, this guilt could be nothing but a result of overthinking or overanalyzing.

For some people, apologizing doesn't always mean literally saying sorry. Sorry is just a word -- it's what you do with the realization that you're at fault which will count.  Aplogizing could be in a form of making up for the offense by being a better person, a better friend, without ever having to say it out loud.  People will see the effort, and sometimes, that's even better than saying sorry and not meaning it.