Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Bikers of the Apocalypse

The four of them were holding a steady 105 mph, as if they were confident that the show could not start before they got there. It couldn't. They had all the time in the world, such as it was.

Just behind them came four other riders: Big Ted, Greaser, Pigbog, and Skuzz.

They were elated. They were real Hell's Angels now, and they rode the silence.

Around them, they knew, was the roar of the thunderstorm, the thunder of traffic, the whipping of the wind and the rain. But in the wake of the Horsemen there was silence, pure and dead. Certainly dead.

It was broken by Pigbog, shouting to Big Ted.

"What you going to be, then?" he asked, hoarsely.

"I said, what you --"

"I heard what you said. It's not what you said. Everyone heard what you said. What did you mean, that's what I want to know?"
Pigbog wished he paid more attention to the Book of Revelation. If he'd known he was going to be in it, he'd have read it more carefully. "What I mean is, they're the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, right?"

"Bikers," said Greaser.

"Right. Four Bikers of the Apocalypse. War, Famine, Death, and -- and the other one. P'lution."

"Yeah? So?"

"So they said it was all right if we cam with them, right?"


"So we're the other Four Horse--, um, Bikers of the Apocalypse. So which ones are we?"

There was a pause. The lights of passing cars shot past them in the opposite lane, lightning after-imaged the clouds, and the silence was close to absolute.

"Can I be War as well?" asked Big Ted.

"Course you can't be war. How can you be War? She's War. You've got to be something else."

Big Ted screwed up his face with the effort of thought. "G.B.H." he said, eventually. "I'm Grievous Bodily Harm. That's me. There. Wott're you going to be?"

"Can I be Rubbish?" asked Skuzz. "Or Embarrassing Personal Problems?"*

Hahahahaha! Just gotta love Neil Gaiman! But it makes sense, right? We have Famine, War, Pollution, Death, Grievous Bodily Harm and of course, Embarrassing Personal Problems. Hahahahahaha!
Finally found time to read a book in between downloading stuff, tweeting and blogging.

*Excerpt from Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch