Day 2: ACT LIKE YOU KNOW

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

A little backgrounder: I started this blog on a Monday, 21st of March 2005, while waiting for a colleague to finish working so we could head over to Valero for drinks. This was at a time when Facebook and Twitter weren't what they are today. This was also at a time when we started the "Break-the-week" routine on Mondays to cope with workplace stress and all that. And this was at a time when Capones (now Le Bistro Vert) in Valero was one of the places to be in Makati, along with Il Ponticello, the Greenbelt 2 strip (Nuvo, Uva, Mezze, Kai, Pepato, etc.), Tabu and Pinoy Rock joints like 6 Underground, Saguijo and of course, Gweilos.

I remember that as a really hectic day and we were set to unwind that night (yeah, the need to unwind even right after a weekend), when I felt the urge to write about anything but work and created a blog that was originally meant to be a private site (but word got out and I now have 5 readers after 6 years of blogging, plus the occasional lurkers haha).

Anyway, the two first paragraphs are not really necessary for the topic of today's blog challenge.

ACT LIKE YOU KNOW simply means... To act like you know. When I started working, I was such a nene that I thought no one took me seriously. In my Atenean ma-pride way, I admitted that I still lacked experience, but I refused to accept that my insights and recommendations were not good enough to be taken seriously. So my mantra was to "ACT LIKE YOU KNOW", and I found that if I projected myself in a certain way and delivered things with conviction, I kind of earned a higher level of respect than my nene persona inspite of holding an entry level position. I was young but not stupid and I was eager to prove it.

It can actually mean several things. You can "Act Like You Know" in a sense that you want to be believable when you're winging it, or "Act Like You Know" because you really know, it just looks like you don't but you do.

The subhead: "What you don't understand you can make mean anything" is a line borrowed from one of Chuck Pahlaniuk's books. It just means that everything here is up for interpretation, and because I'm not really encouraging readership, people are reading at their own risk. I'm not inclined to explain any of the things that I write here or to name the anonymous characters in my vague blog posts. If anything strikes a chord, then it's up to the reader to make something out of it. The comments function is purposely disabled so the only people who will ever get a chance at a clarification or an explanation are the ones who know my mobile number.

I hope that satisfies today's blogger challenge.

Day 1: Me, myself and I

(Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts)


My name is Joy and I am not an alchoholic.

Yes, of course, not. HAHA. Seriously, I'm not an alcoholic. I just enjoy drinking. I'm not anywhere near Lindsay Lohan's alcohol abuse. I don't do drugs either, though there was a time I've been told that I live the life of a rockstar (late nights, alcohol and all that shiz).  I counter that I'm not a rockstar because A) I have no fans; B) I can't sing to save my life even if I love music; C) I don't go around in swag rides; D) I can't even put eyeliner properly; and E) I hate being Jabar and being jabar is a staple characteristic of rockstars. They're all just... sweaty.

Moving on... I'm supposed to write 15 interesting facts about myself. I don't know about interesting, but what are listed below are surely facts:

1. I love reading books from the classics to contemporary fiction. Chuck Pahlaniuk is my favorite author and if I were reincarnated as an author, I'll probably be him. Dark, sarcastic and funny.
               
2. I WAS a young achiever. There was once a time when people wouldn't believe that I hold quite a high-ranking position in the office. What? That clown? Did she laugh her way to the top? WAS because I'm not young anymore or at least I don't consider myself to be.
               
3. I cannot do number 2 on a dirty toilet. I just can't. During immersion in the mountains where they only had a hole on the ground for a toilet, I held it in for three days. You can imagine it was heaven the moment I got to my own toilet at home.
        
4. As stated above, I don't sing well but I know the lyrics of a lot of songs by heart and I have quite an extensive repertoire from Bread, David Pomeranz (oo!), Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Eminem, Rihanna, Usher, Nirvana, Bon Jovi, Incubus (I know almost ALL), Red Hot Chili Peppers, and even Gary Valenciano songs. If it is or was popular, I probably know it.
                       
5. I have a kind of addictive personality, but not in the sense of substance abuse. If I (really) like Justin Bieber, expect me to know a lot about him beyond the basic stuff (he was born on March 1, has 3 tattoos, likes giving Selena Gomez foot rubs, etc). I can listen to just one song all week, spend days watching YouTube videos of my favorite band of the moment, know everything about my favorite F1 driver, not to mention SUBSCRIBE to and read F1 Racing magazine from cover to cover. I even took time to 'study' F1 technology so I can explain aerodynamics from the rear wing (?). Although when it comes to F1 technology, I can pretty much make up stuff and no one will know. Hehe
                      
6. After graduating in 2004, I really didn't want to start working yet, but mom always pushed me to go out there and find a job. So to create an impression that I was 'job hunting', there were days when I woke up early, dressed up for interviews with a clear folder in hand containing my resume, rode with dad to work and waited for the mall to open so I can watch 2 - 3 movies in between window shopping then ride back home with dad. I did that almost every Wednesday, when Glorietta used to show Art Films in Cinema 4. After a few days, I'd tell Mom I didn't like the jobs that I applied for so we should wait a little longer. FACT.
                
7. I was one of the few people in school to own a Nokia 5110 in highschool. Because it was prohibited in school, we'd hide our mobile phones inside the tank of one of the broken toilets in the ladies' room and we took frequent restroom breaks to text.
                             
8. I was smart enough to get good (read: outstanding) grades in Elementary and Highschool, but had to hire a Math tutor in college because my first ever advisory grade in Ateneo was an F. My math tutor had copies of the exam booklets the previous year which he used to review me for the current year. Advice to teachers: don't merely change the variables and the names. Finished freshman year with a B+! (kakahiya namang i-perfect)
                         
9. Most of the closest friends I have are ones who I survived major fights with. I think maintaining a close group of friends for more than decades is a good sign and surviving major fights means we've seen and gotten past the worst of each other.
                      
10. I'm more of a beer person than a wine person. I prefer vodka over scotch and Patron over Cuervo. I have NEVER tasted Red Horse beer.
                          
11. I need music to concentrate. Even when I was younger, I'd always turn the radio on or tune in to MTV while studying. Then I was given a walkman. Then a discman. And now, an iPod. I'm also not comfortable driving without playing music in the car.
                             
12. I do not like Dinuguan. The smell of it makes me want to regurgitate. I also don't eat liver except if it's in the form of a spread / foie gras. I don't like the texture, taste and smell. Ironic because that's probably the internal organ that I abuse the most.
                                       
13. I love writing. I can better express myself through writing except when drunk. I can better express myself through speaking when I'm drunk. I can deliver an Any Given Sunday type of speech when I'm drunk.
                                          
14. I used to not like the smell of donuts. I'm okay with them now, but donuts are not the type of food that I crave for or randomly buy at the mall. I'm not a donut person.
                          
15. I don't drink coffee just because most of the time, I get a mild headache after drinking coffee. I'm not even sure if it's caused by the coffee. I also don't see the effect of caffeine on me -- it does not keep me awake.

BLOGGER CHALLENGE DAY 1, THERE YOU GO.

 
 
 
 

Day 0: The 30-day Blog Challenge

In spite of my to-do list, which is longer than the Golden Gate Bridge, here I am taking on another challenge. I've seen a lot of people do this online and to celebrate the first of August, I decided to embark on this challenge myself just to see if I can actually keep up.

It's called the 30-day blog challenge where the blogger (me) is supposed to blog for 30 days straight.  There's a pre-determined list of topics to follow. So for the next 30 days, I will be blogging about:

Day 0: The 30 Day Challenge Explanation and Description
Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts
Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3: Your first love
Day 4: Your parents
Day 5: A song to match your mood
Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7: Favorite movies
Day 8: A place you've traveled to
Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend
Day 10: Something you're afraid of
Day 11: Favorite tv shows
Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without
Day 13: Goals
Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?
Day 15: Bible verse
Day 16: Dream house
Day 17: Something you're looking forward to
Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat
Day 19: Something you miss
Day 20: Nicknames
Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
Day 22: What's in your purse?
Day 23: Favorite Movie
Day 24: Something you've learned
Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26: Your Dream Wedding
Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in
Day 28: Something that stresses you out
Day 29: 3 Wishes
Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge

So, let's see. Let the blogging marathon begin!

...

I dare you to annoy me.

Annoy me! Annoy me! Because I love it when you show me that you don't really trust me.

You're winning the dare.


....

63

My mom turned 63 today, and I can't even begin to express how truly, truly, grateful I am that we survived another year. Every day that we have our mother with us is a cause for celebration. We have so much to be thankful for because for all of its ups and downs and occasional scares, life's been good to our family.

I'm definitely having one of those moments when I feel so so eternally grateful beyond words. I'm overwhelmed.

Thank you, Lord.

....

One Fine Friday

I've been writing a lot for the past three weeks or so, and I still want to write. I just think that I'll take a break from writing work stuff and write something that does not aim to establish a brand, create awareness, generate publicity, encourage preference... nothing that will highlight, demonstrate, position and, of course (how can I forget), leverage shiznit, because at one point, we all need a break from the things that we usually do.

And that's exactly what I did. About a month ago, I was talking to my friends about how we should do something together that doesn't necessarily involve going out of town or out of the country. Because we've heard good reviews about it, we all agreed to take the Living La Vida Imelda Walking Tour by Carlos Celdran.  The thing was it's only scheduled on Fridays, which is of course a work day. I checked the number of leaves I had and found that I still got nine left so I filed it anyway, really wanting to try it out.

I knew that this Friday was going to be different on all counts. For one, I'm almost going to turn seven at work and I've never had to take a leave for no specific reason at all (valid vacation leaves for me are the ones that are really used for vacation -- meaning trips or what not). I know of a few people who take leaves to 'rest' at home -- so this is a first for me. I took a leave to gallivant around Manila, something that I otherwise could've done on a weekend if not for the Friday only tour.

But it's not like I pick a random day and decide not to go to work.  As the date came closer, I had to take considerations as well.  After I agreed to join the tour and filed my leave, an event came up on the same day plus a lot of stuff to submit (like we ever run out) for other clients. I'm the type who feels guilty and uneasy if I know that something's going on at work and I'm not IN it personally, but then again, I thought -- if for some reason I suddenly vanish from the face of the earth, these people should be able to pull through, right? I have tremendous trust in the people that we put in place to manage things for our clients -- Perceptions is the perfect case study about why age is just a number.  This is a place where young twenty-somethings manage clients and run events on their own; who, inspite of their youthful facade, are able to measure up to any seasoned professional and call the shots as if they belonged to the industry since forever.  These are the people I work with everyday, and everyday we learn something new from each other. On one hand, I know their whims, quirks, issues, areas for improvement and what not, while on the other hand, I also know what they're capable of based on how they progress and that's what we try to maximize.  I was once in their place and while I kind of resented it before, I now appreciate the value of (sometimes) being left (alone) in-charge even at quite an early stage in my career. Because age is just a number. And it also helped that technology now is so ingrained in a person's lifestyle that I was able to monitor them throughout the day, answer calls, emails and what not... Not that I needed to.  I would imagine that 'monitoring' part wasn't so much of value to them as it was to me. If anything, it gave me the peace of mind that nothing fell through the cracks.

Anyway, after successfully shaking off that bothering thought of not being at work when I'm supposed to, I began my Friday Friday fun fun fun.  And this was how the unusual day went:

• Hit the slot machines at 8:45 am and, in 20 minutes, walked out P 6,000.00 richer. This was the first time I saw the Opus / Republiq area of Newport so deserted, and the first time I entered the casino as the first activity of the morning.

• Bought tickets for me and my friends to the 9:45 am screening of Harry Potter with the casino prize money, thanks to Newport Malls 24-hour screening on Fridays and Saturdays.
• Met my friends for a round of "iced tea" at Bar 360 before the movie."
• Got popcorn at 9:45 am which we munched on in the moviehouse.
• By noon, exited the movie house and had lunch at Pepper Steak (now this is normal).
• Went window-shopping before driving to CCP for the Walking Tour.
• Went to Iceberg's at Harbor Center and ordered iced desserts and tacos before the tour because it's hot.
• Joined the very interesting Imelda Walking Tour. Recommended!
• Headed to Mall of Asia to check out our client event.
• Hung out the mall a bit and had a few (or otherwise) rounds of beer over sushi and chill conversations.
• Headed back to Resorts World, and this time, got to learn a new table game which I will only get to play when I have the capability to. It's nice to actually understand a casino game for once (because I don't think anyone ever really gets how those slot machines work, right?).
• Decided to head home and get some shut eye after the casino instead of having some more drinks (see, this day's so different).

After a few days of not being in the mood for anything and feeling like life is one huge boring routine, all it really took was a day like this to take me back and realize that it ain't as bad as it seems.

And the best days are always the ones spent in good company.  These are the days that start and end well. I love my friends (those who were part of this day, you know who you are!).

Whip your hair back and forth! (if you have hair!)

....

Birthday blues... Sort of.

Is it possible to ever get tired of drinking? No? Exactly what I thought. It's Thirstday and I find myself busy infront of my computer, working because a day is just not enough -- and I've also said this many times before - I'm less functional during the day than I am during the night.

Thirstday... and my friends and I are all busy doing our own stuff. Somehow, everyone of us had work to do tonight. Some more fun (like managing the sponsors at FHM's 100 Sexiest Party) and some worse (the type that they're forced to do).  Unlike the usual, today is the only day of the week where no alcohol entered my system and I'd like to think that's a good thing to a certain extent - the liver needs a rest, too... but who am I kidding, right? If I had someone else to drink with right now, that's probably what I'd be doing, but work is a good alternative for staving off boredom. At least I get to (somewhat) free my day tomorrow and ease the load a bit, because I really feel more productive in the wee hours of the morning when no one else is around.

And so because if it were a regular Thirstday I'm supposed to be up until the wee hours of the morning, my body sort of doesn't want to go to sleep yet. I'm left with my own head to mess with, and it's definitely not one of those days when I'm on a natural high. This is more of a natural low, like the proverbial birthday blues, only, my birthday has long passed. Or it could be something like Quarter Life Crisis, only I'm not sure if I'll live to be a hundred years old. I don't know what will take me out of this rut. It is natural for women to get hormonal, right? So perhaps that's one of the reasons why.

I want to walk barefoot on the beach, have some beers, engage in a really nice conversation, have a good laugh, get high from a concert, see a really good movie, dance like no one's watching, sing like a rockstar, cry my heart out, hug a friend really tight, meet new people, eat something so delicious I close my eyes the moment I taste it, get totally hammered without a hangover the day after, be awestruck by something marvelous, drive really fast on a freeway, run aimlessly, get wet in the rain and feel good about it, finish a good book, fly somewhere I've never been, and finally, create something legen...wait for it... dary.

Life's simple joys. Those moments when you feel like you're totally alive. That's what I really want.

But for the meantime:

GAME. FACE. ON.

....

When It's Too Late to Apologize

I've never been a gifted liar. Actually, NO. Screw that. I can be a really good liar, except to the people who know me well. I don't think I'm even capable of masking my feelings, my eyes and smile betray me most of the time - at least to those who know.

There are moments, mornings after, when you wish you could take back time and do things differently. I know myself and I admit that I have the tendency to cross the lines, hit below the belt and what not, but it's usually not until hours after, when I look back on the things that transpired, that I begin to wonder if I went a little overboard.

Then guilt manifests itself. It's not so much the thought of what was done or said, but more of the fact that someone was probably offended, moreso if it's someone that I value.  An apology is the quickest fix - after all, people who care about each other (friends, family, whoever) wouldn't be able to stay angry at each other for long periods. Then again, it's all about timing. If an apology is in order, I believe it has to be done at once and not a few hours later. Apologizing also has that risk of making a big deal of what could be otherwise to the other party, because after all, this guilt could be nothing but a result of overthinking or overanalyzing.

For some people, apologizing doesn't always mean literally saying sorry. Sorry is just a word -- it's what you do with the realization that you're at fault which will count.  Aplogizing could be in a form of making up for the offense by being a better person, a better friend, without ever having to say it out loud.  People will see the effort, and sometimes, that's even better than saying sorry and not meaning it.

We don't care about the old folks talkin' 'bout the old style.

Social media serves different people in different ways. To share, to see, to connect, to participate -- there are varying levels of usage.  Facebook for me is a tool for connecting with friends, past and new acquaintances. It just makes it easy for me to look people up.  I used to enjoy sharing content and posting everything -- music, videos, notes, photos, until the interest waned. Now it's more of games and looking at what other people are doing. 

The good thing about Facebook is that people get to choose the content they share -- they get to project the kind of life that they want people to see.  Twitter is more liberated because it kind of gives the mind an outlet and its 'maybe you care, maybe you don't' environment makes it a bit more encouraging for the user to type away. 

It's funny how some people seem to have a different persona in social media compared to how they really are in real life. I know my cousins. I grew up with them, but it still surprises me to realize how much more there is about them than what I know.  My prim and proper shy-type teenage cousins (yes, we have shy types in the family) are all angsty. They talk about their moms and dads, teachers and how unreasonable the world is -- and I'm like, what the hell is happening to you??! When you see these people in person you'd never guess they think about those things. We have unspoken rules such that we don't talk about what we see online infront of our parents, but nothing I share online isn't available to my folks anyway. I am what I am and if I cuss there, my father would understand (but see, I don't say 'fuck' as much as my cousins do!). And the most important rule is not to tell our parents about Twitter so the oldies won't invade it like they did Facebook. I remember being told off on Facebook by one of our uncles because "Joy Mirasol likes Barrack Obama" and my uncle thinks he's evil for supporting abortion etcetera etcetera. What's up with that?

Still, it's a nice way of getting to know friends and relatives. Now that we're more connected and free to share our thoughts online, we feel much closer to each other. I just hope that we don't abuse it such that we lose our values. The future generations will enjoy much more freedom because of the digital age, and I don't know yet what's next to Twitter or Facebook, but I do hope it's something constructive as opposed to destructive. The fact that no one can fully regulate what happens online makes it all the more challenging for parents, mentors and other people concerned to instill values in our young ones and help them discern right from wrong, appropriate from inappropriate.

BOW.

... 

I know that there's a world out there that functions without regard to me.

Just when I thought I had everything down pat, I find myself in the very situation I've been trying so hard to avoid.  I have to admit I was better off thinking to myself because then, the defenses were stronger. I held my ground in my own stubborn way. The moment other people were in on it was the moment I let my guard down, which brought me... here.

I've thought about this before - I know the pros and I know the cons. It's not worth the risk of addressing the issue or whateverthefuckitis knowing that it's lopsided, or worse, that there really may not be another side to it. Everything could probably be in my head.  The worse thing about this is paranoia because there's now a certain level of consciousness about EVERYTHING.

And this failure to see things as they really are is a hindrance for people to function like their usual selves.  It's a pain to have all these thoughts at the back of your head all the friggin' time. This quote couldn't be any more true now: No one can beat you up as much as you beat yourself up in your own mind.

There's a very thin line between fantasy and reality. You can always try to convince yourself to believe otherwise, but you can't prevent yourself from feeling something, even if you don't like to feel that way. And you just don't mess with feelings because regardless if these feelings are good or bad, you can never say it's wrong to feel something. You feel it because you feel it. It's there.  And you can't really expect people to take your feelings in consideration all the time because, in reality, they have their own to protect.

The key thing here is self-preservation. We have to be responsible for ourselves. There will always be people around to cause hurt knowingly and unknowingly, but the important thing is to know how to deal.

GAME FACE ON!

...