{Basket Case} I am one of those melodramatic fools

Disclaimer: This post is completely hormonal.

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
I hate it when 'this' hits me (and I don't even know exactly what 'this' is). Today is one of those particulars days when I just feel that my life sucks. Well, not totally. Just kind of. It's one of those days that couldn't have been salvaged by alcohol. It just feels so awful. I get thoughts in my head driving me to do things and make decisions hastily and I know that I'll regret these later on. I've been in this situation one too many times and the sad thing is that realizations always come in the end -- when I realize that I could've handled things better. The good thing, though, is I've learned to deal with it. I'm proud to say that I've successfully convinced myself not to act on impulse. I had the urge to finally decide once and for all to free myself from whatever, and imagined myself spending long days just watching TV, going out, doing absolutely nothing for the next six to twelve months. Or I can pass time learning to play the violin or some weird non-mainstream instrument, help out with a NGO, learn a new sport or something. teach in a pre-school... I don't know.

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
I just want something new in my life now because I kinda feel that I'm doing things without a purpose, with no real reason and no real motivation. What's in it for me anyway? The sorry part is the more I'm becoming entrenched, the more I realize that this isn't what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do exactly but this doesn't feel like 'it'. This serves me well at the present perhaps because of the fact that I CAN do it and if I choose to, I can excel. If I'm right for this then why do I feel so restless and not so into it? Or could it be that I've become so comfortable and now I want to leave my comfort zone?


It all keeps adding up. I think I'm crackin' up
This blog was locked for a time until I cleared everything I wrote from the last time I posted in December. It's just not for public consumption and I don't want people to come across it and misinterpret everything. Moreso, I don't want to be so vocal about what I'm going through because I don't want to rub it off on the those around me. BUT those people shouldn't be fooled because beneath the exterior, I'm just someone who hasn't got a clue. Oh yes, yes, yes. I'm overrated and I know it. haha

(Am I just paranoid?) I'm just stoned.
Still and all, this is just one of 'em days. I know one day soon I'll wake up and feel perfectly fine. It's all just a cycle.

Spotted

When the punishment fits the crime, there's no reason you can't celebrate your sentence in style.

Microserfs

Microserfs
By Douglas Coupland



When you're a tech geek working for the world's biggest software company, it's already understood that you don't have a life... or at least in this book. What really matters, the author says, is your brains. Never mind that your hair grew wayward, that your working outfit consists of the usual khaki slacks, company branded shirts, white socks and Birkenstocks, as long as you're a think tank that never runs out of bright ideas. One of the philosophies presented in the book is this: If you can't make yourself worthwhile to society, then that's your problem, not society's. People are personally responsible for making themselves relevant. I agree in a sense that you really have to make an effort to make yourself useful at home, in the workplace, to your friends... otherwise, you'll become redundant such that people will begin to forget you. That's the basic principle of mutualism -- give and take.



Geeks graduate from college, get hired at Microsoft or Apple or any similar company for that matter, work their asses off and think that relationships will happen naturally. Next thing they know, they wake up at thirty and realize that they've never been kissed.



This is a really fascinating (and sometimes funny) read about a fictional bunch of geeks who worked at Microsoft, obsessed about Bill Gates, and eventually decided to leave the comforts of having the coolest, high-paying jobs in search for what they call a 'life'. Although written in 1995, it remains relevant today except for the technologies mentioned (if you're expecting iPods and the like, well, it didn't even talk about Windows XP, to say the least). The book was written in first person, a journal where the day-to-day undertakings of the characters were recorded. Most of the journal entries were just observations but it was through these that we get to pick up a lesson or two about life.



For example, it is said in the book that work is providing us with a comforting sense of normalcy. Simply grinding away at something makes life feel stable even though the external particulars of life are, at best, random. Quarter-life crisis, is that you?



There's no major issue or event in the book that needed a resolution -- it's just filled with thought-provoking statements, almost a collection of musings, aphorisms and reflections about technology, work, work-life balance, families and relationships, that paint a picture of what some of us are probably going through, or went through in life.

Dedication

Dedication

by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus

I just needed something to do while having my hair treated at the salon and so I bought this book on a whim. The cover gave the impression that it's a light read and it was.

In a nutshell, it tells of a girl who fell in love in highschool. The man of her dreams left her without any explanation on prom night and went on to become a super popular rockstar. All the songs this guy wrote were about her - their experiences together, her mother... One day, the guy went back to their hometown to shoot a special segment for MTV and the woman scorned took this as an opportunity to make him regret his existence, and to achieve some kind of closure for herself as well.

It's a bit something like "if you had a second chance with the one that got away," only the ending of this novel seemed more realistic than the usual happily ever after conclusions. And while the plot was interesting, the mode of storytelling was a bit lackluster and after a while, I got tired of their issues and wished they'd just drop it already. I still read through it (without cheating) just to see if it turns out the way I thought it would. It's nothing like The Nanny Diaries by the same authors. The chapters alternated between timelines from way back when they were in highschool to the present (in their 30s) and it really got me wondering if the characters ever matured at all.

I'm feeling a little restless lately

and I believe this has got to do with hormonal imbalance. It's just weird that it occurs at certain times of the year and for the past couple of years, I'm like in a quarter-life crisis every first quarter of the year (and I'm only approaching quarterlife... still not there). This is the time when with the trusty SMBs are ever so useful... but this is also the time when I don't feel like going out at all. I just want to be all by myself in my room soundtripping or reading whatever I can get my hands on... watch tv and tearjerker movies like Armageddon, I am Sam, Deep Impact. I don't want to text or talk on the phone or anything. I want alone time.

The reality is that I can never have too much of alone time. I still need to go out, go to work, interact with people... aaaargh. Maybe I need a new environment talaga. Sometimes I just wanna go away from the workaday world and hie off to the woods. I imagine a log cabin and me eating marshmallows by the fireplace, book in hand, earphones on, a bunch of pillows, a comforter and cold weather. Baguio is that you?

So now it's Saturday night and I'm at home watching episodes of Gossip Girl in between other things. I opted to stay-in to give my hardworking liver a well-deserved break. My Dad just got home from playing Golf (and the after-game weekly gulp with his friends) with two orders of Salmon Sashimi. It's been drizzling all day and now it's raining hard. There's something about the rain that relaxes. I don't know if it's the smell or the sound. I just love it when it rains.

Wala lang. Random post... the first for 2008. Thank you.

2007

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Went to Singapore for the first time.
Not have lunch for five straight days! Pero lunch lang. I think I had bfast and dinner haha.
Went drinking for more than 7 consecutive nights. bad, bad, bad for the liver.
Took a cab alone on the way home close to midnight (I know, ang sheltered ng dating but I've never done that before).
Tried boxing... healthy sana but I was bored!

2. Where did you study/ work?
Same same.

3. Did anyone in your circle give birth?
Yes. There are about 3 new babies - Andre, Diego, and Lucia (in order of appearance).

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yeah. My Lola.

5. Did you go out of town or out of the country?
Hmmm... Batangas, Tagaytay, Cebu, Singapore, Boracay, Boracay, Bohol, Singapore, Clark, Boracay, Tagaytay... and I've been to Quezon for the first time, too, but that's involuntary. We were supposed to go to Laiya, Batangas, but the driver missed a turn. Next thing I knew we were in Quezon.

6. Did you move anywhere?
No. Still steady down south.

7. What sporting events did you go to?
UAAP - only one I go to every year! I want to see F1 someday...

8. What concerts did you go to?
Didn't go to any this year. Looking forward to Incubus in March 2008!

9. Who was your Valentine in 2007?
Eeeeeeew. Haha. My Lola was my Valentine in 2007... picked her up and we ate out.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My ego was bruised! Ek. No...

11. What was your best month?
March. Just because.

12. Where did most of your money go?
shopping, nights out... and other miscellaneous stuff.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
F1! I was super happy on the night Kimi Raikkonen won. That final race was one for the books. I was also excited about the Windows Vista launch early 2007. Sobrang excited akong matapos sha. Haha. I was also excited about Bohol because we're going out of town as a big family again after so many years.

14. What songs will always remind you of 2007?
UMBRELLA by Rihanna for sure.
Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston
The Prayer by Bloc Party,
Before It's Too Late by the Goo Goo Dolls... and so on.

Local: Seven Black Roses by Chicosci

15. What did you do on the 4th of July?
I don't remember.

16. What were the best...

* books you read?
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon. It's nice to have a glimpse of what it's like to be autistic through the eyes of a child and kind of have an understanding of what goes through their minds.
Time Traveller's Wife. Galing.
Tuesdays with Morrie. Really touching book. I want to have a mentor like Morrie :-)

* movies you saw?
Eastern Promises
Transformers
Die Hard 4
300
Stardust
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest
Hitman (Timothy Olyphant!!!)

* CDs you listened to?
A Weekend in the City, Bloc Party
In Rainbows by Radiohead (it really wasn't a CD, though)
Echo, Silence, Patience & Grace, Foo Fighters
It Won't Be Soon Before Long, Maroon 5
Chicosci (Self-titled)

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?
uhm... sports?

18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
worrying. haha. less of the 'bad' stuff, of course.

19. How did you spend Christmas?
With the family. Every year, we spend the eve with my father's side of the family and this year is our first Christmas without our Lola... kind of different but it's all good because the family stayed together (and ________ together).

20. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Fall in love? Does fall in love with work count? Eeeeek.

21. How many one-night stands?
HELLO

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy, Entourage, The Office

23. Compared to this time last year, are you:

* happier or sadder?
Happier!!!

* thinner or fatter?
Shet.

* richer or poorer?
Richer. Kind of... and then poorer because I spend so much walang natitira!

24. What was your favorite summer memory of 2007?
Going to the beach. I'm happiest when I'm at the beach. The trip to Bohol with the family was really memorable because we haven't done that for a while (go far out of town).

25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24. Celebrated with my family on the day itself. With my colleagues the day after, and with my friends the day after the day after.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
IMEEM! haha

27. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most in 2007?
Matthew Bellamy (from Muse), Adam Levine, David Beckham, Kimi Raikkonen, Jude Law.

28. Who was the best new person you met?
Best person I met? Can't remember who's the best but I met a lot of people this year. Wait wait wait... Best person I met? Penn Badgely. I met him but he hasn't met me.

29. Where were you when 2007 began and who were you with?
New Year's Eve with the family -- I was with the people I loved most in the whole wide world.

30. What are your plans for 2008?
Explore. Go somewhere I've never gone before.

Evil Eye Babies

Parents are teaching their kids all sorts of things and then they post it on YouTube. Well, actually the first one below was captured from AFV and then posted on YouTube. The kid knows how to do the 'omen' look. Hahahah he's sooooo cute!

And then the next one, Dr. Evil. Ang saya grabe. Nakakaloko. Kabarkada nung whatever baby in one of my previous posts. I want a baby na hindi tatanda, ever!






Watch this baby's hands!!!

Because I'm not yet sleepy...

You Are a Witch (or Warlock)

You are deviously brilliant and a perfect manipulator. You somehow always end up getting what you want - without anyone knowing you're working behind the scenes. Crafty and cunning, you can work your way out of any jam. And it's easy for you to get people to do what you want, whether you're working for good or evil. Your greatest power: Mind control Your greatest weakness: Making people your puppets You play well with: Ghosts

What Kind of Monster Are You?

Your Psyche is Yellow

You have a ton of energy - both physical and mental endurance. You are rational and logical, and you can help almost anyone think clearly. Optimistic and bright, you also have a secret side that's a little darker. When you are too yellow: You will do anything to get your way, and no one will be the wiser When you don't have enough yellow: you lack confidence, drive, and humor

What Color Is Your Psyche?

You are a PC

You're practical, thrifty, and able to do almost anything. Appearances and trends aren't important to you. You just like to get the job done.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

TRUE BLUE!

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Experimenting

You're all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them. You see life as your lab - and you're always trying out new things, people, and ideas. The master of mix and match, you're always coming up with unique combinations. You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Your Leprechaun Name Is:

Weebit Cabbageleaf

What's Your Leprechaun Name?

Umbrella, you're way too beautiful

This was done by Chicosci in a rock da riles event... okay sana they made a rock rendition of Umbrella ella ella ey ey but you realize, they probably got the idea from My Chemical Romance who did it during one of their concerts in the U.S.. Then again, Chicosci really does pop songs during their gigs, whatever's NOW and they really get people to groove. I've never been to a lackluster Chicosci gig... and they've proven that you can make it big in this country as long as you make good music, even though the vocalist doesn't really sing all too well. haha

Disclaimer: I didn't take any of these videos so I'm not the screaming fan. haha just making it clear.

pure shores

I like surprises. I like being uncertain. And that's probably the reason why I don't have a definite answer when people ask me how I see myself in the future. The future is as soon as tomorrow and I like not knowing what's gonna happen. Maybe tomorrow, my day would go like it did today... or maybe not. Maybe tomorrow I'll do a good job like I did today or not. Maybe I'll meet a few interesting people or maybe I won't.

I guess I'm at a phase where I don't really want to think about things. I don't want to make plans... I just wanna go where life takes me. I don't worry too much about fame or fortune, I know I can excel in whatever I want to do given that I commit myself to it. When I think about it, I realize that it's not really about getting rich or gaining recognition... it's probably just about being steady and feeling happy.

A few months ago (or years - there really isn't much difference), I would've been able describe how I want my future quite concretely... what I'm doing, where I live. I just seem to forget now. All I can come up with are general terms - success, happiness, fulfillment. How to achieve those, I don't really know. Success can be so many things in so many ways. Success in what exactly? I don't know. Probably success in life - collective of everything else that makes me happy.

Don't wonder why I'm getting all too sentimental about this. Whaddya know? I just came from the beach.