I know why you hate blackouts. First because of the uncomfortable experience of trying to sleep in heat and sweat, and second because no matter how hard you try, you just can't sleep. And because you can't sleep you get to think about a lot of things, make a lot of realizations and discover another dimension to stuff you thought you already understood. If just days ago you're confident about a decision you made, now you're wondering again if you really did, inspite of people around you assuring you that it was right.
You see another dimension which was just on the surface. You wonder why you didn't see something that was there all along. People will assure you that they're after your well-being, but of course, you realize, they have theirs on top priority. Then again, it depends on how you look at it. At first, you feel stupid, but you stop. You will yourself not to feel stupid because you know you're bigger than that. Bigger than what they take you for. You are not missing out on anything. You carry on. And hope it will all be worth something in the end.
You see the sun rising. You stop ruminating.
