Saturday, February 05, 2011

For fast-acting relief: Try Slowing Down

We say 'mind over matter' if we want to concentrate or control something in belief that the mind is more powerful than the body, but I also think that sometimes we also need to mind the matter and not abuse our bodies.  After quite a hectic week, I'm having a steady Saturday night at home for two reasons: one, because I think I need to slow down and two, because my dad said so. Hahaha couldn't really argue with that (he needed me to stay with mom tonight since my sister is in Subic and he has a golf event to attend).

I mentioned this on twitter and I mention this here again: Nobody can beat you up as much as you can beat yourself up in your own mind. The problem with people who think too much is that they're never satisfied.

There's a sort of paradigm shift that's happening here. Before, I used to say that I like going with the flow, living in the present and not knowing what's going to happen in the future. It's one of those bizarre days when the mood is like bleh, I'm staring on a leaf being blown away from the pavement, when it hit me: Am I supposed to just go with the flow? Isn't that akin to complacency? Should I be doing something about... something?  How do I make life a little less ordinary? So I'm doing what I'm doing now and then???  

And this is not just a question about work and the future, but life in its entirety. People are born into the world, grow up, go to school, go to work, get married, have children, have grandchildren and die. And then?  Wouldn't it be easier to have nothing instead? No higher being, no universe, no planets, no people... nothing. If there's nothing, then there's nothing. (aaaaaaaah!!!! Nagmemeron ako, lalong lumalabo!)

Anyway, going back to "going with the flow", the challenge here is that I don't know what I want. Just like choosing a restaurant for lunch, unless there's a strong craving, I'm pretty much okay with anything. And I'm okay. Not cloud-nine happy or sad. Just fine. I'm in that space between.  And when people ask me if I'm happy, I kind of say yes and that's because I'm not sad. I do what I do because I can do it and I do it because I'm committed to it, but I don't think I'm intrinsically motivated (like a director's passion for film, a singer's passion for music). Where there is no love, it becomes a routine mechanical exercise. Or maybe I'm intrinsically motivated but I don't know it?

Then again, this is probably a result of thinking too much. Sometimes we expect too highly of ourselves that we become unreasonably concerned (or something like that), and make a fuss out of something that we shouldn't be worrying about.  All this restlessness plaguing the youth!

If this is the right hand (hold it up in front of you) and this is the left hand (do the same), how does a hand that's neither right or left look?

This is probably the sort of stuff that can be resolved in Boracay, because for some reason, that place makes everything alright.