I'm so totally confused right now. I'm living in my head and I wish someone would just give me the answers, tell me what to do or at least help me figure out what to make of whatever's bothering me. I just hate NOT KNOWING how to deal and I'm so tired of thinking and thinking and thinking, and it's not like I could stop the thoughts from entering my head.
I know I'm being very vague here. You can ask me when you see me, I just might tell you. :o
----------------------------------
In other news...
Someone leaked the draft of the first 12 chapters of Midnight Sun, otherwise known as Twilight in Edward Cullen's perspective (Twilight itself is in Bella Swan's POV), and the author is really pissed because the book's not even done yet. She's very upset that she put off finishing the book and announced that it's on hold indefinitely.
Since it was already leaked online, she eventually posted the leaked version in her website for the Twilight fans. At least that will prevent people from making a profit out of it and at least now I have something to focus my attention on. Hopefully, I'll get my fill of the Cullens and take my mind off whatever it is that I'm thinking about right now (see above).
It's amazing how life kinda speaks to you in so many ways. Sometimes, messages are hidden somewhere and they kind of catch you by surprise and then you realize that it does have some meaning to you. Perhaps it was written in a totally different context but you feel like it was meant for you. Or probably not.
Today, I was searching the net for new music, reading album reviews from who-knows-whose blogs and band updates on Facebook. I was never a fan of Death Cab for Cutie but I saw that a review of their album was one of the most read on Pitchfork and I decided to read along (okay, that's more because I'm a sucker for useless information just 'for the sake of knowing'). ANYWAY (oh, that word), a part of this particular paragraph I read twice:
Narrow Stairs, Death Cab's second album for Atlantic and sixth proper LP overall, is one of the darkest and most muscular in the band's discography, but they're still aiming for the same place: your heart. It's an album about growing and changing and becoming resigned to the fact that you'll never be truly content-- not even if you quit that day job, achieve your rock'n'roll dreams, and find yourself in a loving marriage.
Hahaha WHUT. Note to self: Grab new DCFC album on the next trip to the music store and find out if this is something that can be recommended to friends undergoing Quarter Life Crisis.
There are certain experiences that change a person forever such as losing loved ones, losing a battle or failing at something. And then there are also those little moments of realization, the ones that teach a lesson, the ones that leave a mark. The realization begins with acceptance - admitting to myself that I let the situation get the better of me, that I fell short, that I wasn't able to think clearly at crunch time because my mind was messing with me, that I could've done it but didn't. And then I'd look at the brighter side and realize that everything that just happened was meant to teach me a lesson, and more than that, it allowed me discover something about myself. I know we tried really hard but we kind of just totally missed out on something there. Had we looked hard enough, the solution was just right there and we would have spared ourselves one full day of trouble. I gave up so easily.
It's just so difficult to live up to expectations. On one hand, there are the expectations of people who think they deserve the best service, quality work... whoever's assigned there, me or someone else, should just deliver. There are also the expectations of people who put me in place. They'd always say there's no pressure but that's just impossible. Freakin' impossible. And lastly, my own expectations. I think I expect too much from myself and maybe that's a good thing. However, that's also what destroys me, when I think that I'm not meeting my own expectations I get very frustrated.
My philosophy has always been that teamwork isn't just a mere collective effort. It's not only about people working together, holding hands and rising above the odds. It's also about the individual effort that each member puts through, the commitment and the contribution.
This experience also showed me what a good leader is really like. He's someone who always says that he won't hold our hands but always shows up when the going gets tough, shows us how it's done, helps us see ourselves more clearly in moments of self-doubt and carries us, his team, on his shoulders in times of desperation when we think all hope is lost (and it has happened so many times).
So the simple answer to the question, "bakit hindi niyo naisip yon?" is: kasi hindi kami kasing galing mo.
Every basketball team needs a clutch shooter, and a very, very strategic and unwavering coach in do or die games. I remember how it felt like one time, in an important Ateneo game, during the last few seconds the crowd stood still, stunned and defeated. Ateneo was about to lose. We only needed the buzzer to confirm it. Then the coach called a time out. Ateneo was one point behind, one second to go. There's just one second left in the clock but Norman Black believed that Ateneo can do it. It wasn't over for him and the team. Next thing we knew, we were crying tears of Joy.
The thing is, I'll never tell you the things you want to hear. I'm not that kind of person. I'll tell it like it is, lay down the options and see how we can work from there. You don't just put people down even before the battle has ended. If you think that results matter to you, then at least you could've waited for the results before writing people off. I think that in times of crisis, it's best to address the issue at hand first before blaming it on others. Oh wait... I didn't think that. Everybody KNOWS that already. Oh wait... not everybody. Just the smart ones.
Honestly, I agree that we may have fallen short on some accounts. SOME of your points are probably valid. I can live with that. And I admit it.... But if you expect me to get down on my knees to ask for forgiveness, I won't do that. Once is enough but you won't hear it from me unless I really realize that I had to say it and mean it. In this case, I don't feel I owe it to you. I didn't sit on my ass the whole fucking day and waited for the Guava to fall from the tree. I planted the tree and nurtured it until it bore fruit. Pero ayaw naman natin ng hilaw. So tinawag namin ni Juan si Pedro para magdala ng fertilizer, baka sakaling mahinog agad. Shempre tumawag din kami sa poong maykapal. Natagalan lang mahinog, pero nahinog din, diba? Magaling ang fertilizer ni Pedro. So, pinitas ko na. And the thing is, di naman namin kinain. Binigay namin sayo, you dimwit. Kainin mo yang guava mo. (haha ang labo!)
More than the complaints and shortcomings whathaveyou, what I hate most was the way you made us. WE felt like shit next to you. You made us doubt ourselves. To think that you were the one who encouraged me, treated me to a drink and we had a lengthy conversation about needs, wants, career... you asked about my bosses, colleagues and all that. You said you got your eyes on me and that you believed in me. I guess now you don't.
If you think I failed you, well... you failed me, too, because I believed in you, too. PAST TENSE, take note. Yan. I usually don't harbor ill-feelings. You'd probably crack a joke that I'll find funny and that will break the ice. But then again, I'm aaaaahfraahaiiiid.... that izzz tooo late to apologihiiiiize.
---------------------------------------------- You stare at me like a vitamin On the surface you hate, but you know you need me I'll come dressed as any pill you deem fit Whatever helps you swallow truth all the more easily.
Honestly, it didn't live up to its hype and it's so disappointing that it didn't have the smashing ending that we all expected. I think the author was so bent on pleasing people, giving what the fans want, and just tying the loose ends. In the end, it felt like the book was just written for the heck of it. Just because the author promised Book 4 and she wanted to resolve everything.
I think the problem is that the characters kind of lost their 'soul' in this book. Where's Edward? Edward was barely there. He played supporting role instead of leading man. What the hell happened to him? Where's the Edward we fell in love with in Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse? Bella Swan, lead character - the damsel in distress - ended up the strongest vampire who saved them all which is absurd. And I thought Stephenie Meyer was going to put a great deal in her transition from mortal to immortal but that was uneventful. What happened to Dartmouth? Wedding and honeymoon? Yes. And I guess that if it weren't for that part, I would have demanded a refund. Don't get me wrong, though. There's nothing explicit here, after all, it's still young adult fiction.
Carlisle Cullen is the leader of the coven. If anything is supposed to happen to them, he's the one who's expected to step up and even him got sidelined in this one. Ugggggh. Parang last minute, the antagonists just decided that okay... let's not kill them muna. and then the book ends. No action! Nothing.
The resolution was like the 'everything just fell into place' concept. All of a sudden everything's just right. No struggle for Bella Swan. No conflict, no sacrifices. Nothing. The universe conspired to make everything right. 700+ pages of nothingness. I hate it. And despite the focus on resolution, still didn't answer everything... Did Renee ever find out about her granddaughter? Who's the philandering Quileute? Why did J. Jenks exist? If you took out the chapters with him in it, it wouldn't even matter.
In short, ampanget talaga at tinatamad nako magsulat about it. They could've ended it with Eclipse. and for me, in my mind, there are no four books. As far as I know, Twilight is a trilogy. That's it.
Had one of those Twilight lunches with a colleague today when we talked about vampires, werewolves and such. Coincidentally, when we got back to the office, my nose started to bleed. I still don't know why, actually. It was cloudy outside so it couldn't have had anything to do with heat but there was a lot blood and it took a while before it stopped (I prayed so hard that it would because I don't want to do a conf call with my nose bothering me). Anyway, I walked out of my room and showed a bloody tissue paper to my colleague:
ME: Dude, look, my nose is bleeding. Colleague 1: Hala! Bakit? Malamig naman sa labas... Bow your head. Wag ka tumingala, it's a myth! Ang dami! Maamoy ka ng vampires niyan! Colleague 2:Kailangan natin ng ice. Lagyan mo ng ice! ME:Ice? Sa ilong? Colleague 2:Sira. Sa nape mo tapos tumungo ka. Colleague 1: (still in Twilight mode) Oh no, hindi kayo puede magsama ni Edward (our favorite vampire) kasi papatayin ka ni Jasper! (Jasper is Edward's brother who can't control his thirst for human blood) Colleague 3:(super super concerned look on her face) ohmygod Bestfriend! Bakit nangyayari sayo yan? Bakit ka nag no-nosebleed eh magaling ka naman mag English?
I swear, I felt bubbles in my nose when I laughed! and I thanked her for the compliment. haha
When my friends told me about this, I thought it was a joke but then I saw it for myself. OMFG. That's the former Sandwich frontman/ MTV VJ and Kjwan's lead singer. In a teleserye. In the afternoon.
Interesting and surprising twist. It's like hey, it's Jared Leto on reverse! Actors turned musicians are pretty common but some of them just don't fly and end up going back to acting, especially if they dare take the road of rock (think Jericho Rosales and Jeans, Diether Ocampo and Blow). However, musicians turned actors are another thing, especially rock musicians. I can't remember any at the moment who successfully transitioned from almost anti-mainstream to totally pang masa. Really, how would the fans take it if Dave Grohl made a movie or starred in a soap portraying a role other than 'himself'? I can't imagine! Trent Reznor, too, looks like he could be a villain in a Harry Potter movie but I guess he'd never do it.
Bono did well in Across the Universe, when he was singing in the psychedelic bus. He's not really acting though. He's just like a total hippy... but Across the Universe is waaaaaaaaaaay cool.
I heard Kjwan recently had a gig without Marc Abaya. I'm sure they did well as the other members are capable of holding out on their own but I mean, how could you be without a frontman? I wonder how this turns out for him. Ligaw na Bulaklak?
Here's a clip. Surreal. Nascent stardom at 3:01 onwards. Wait, wait, wait... did he say CHIFF?
Having just completed a year-and-a-half-long tour in support of its 2006 album "Light Grenades," Incubus is planning to take a break while its members pursue a variety of endeavors.
On Aug. 23, guitarist Mike Einziger will unveil an orchestral piece in concert at Royce Hall on the campus of UCLA in Los Angeles.
"He did the Time Lapse Consortium, which was a solo thing, even though most of Incubus played on it. But this one is just Mikey," frontman Brandon Boyd tells Billboard.com. "This time, the band will just go to watch. He's moving into ambitious territory."
For Einziger, the concert will serve as a precursor to his enrollment in Harvard's music school to study composition next year. But he's not the only one returning to higher education, as Boyd also plans to enroll in a university art program.
"And, our drummer is having a baby, so there's a lot of normal life stuff going on right now -- school, babies, mortgages," Boyd says.
"I'm of the mind to say it wouldn't be a bad thing to disappear for a year or two years," he says. "A lot of people would say culture moves too fast and you need to remind people, but I would argue there's not any rush. Maybe they'll be a sex scandal or an arrest or something to keep us in the news."
Disappear for a year or two years? Oh no. I'm craving for new music right now. Before this, the band released albums every two years or something and since Light Grenades in 2006, "I'm of the mind" to expect something in 2008... But they're asking us to wait for two more years. 2010? Too long!!!! But yeah, the band deserves it. They've been working really hard.
Wow. I'm drafting this via mobile now and I must say it's very difficult to do without a real keyboard. There is a good number of input options that's supposed to make it easier for me but it's not. I'm alternating between stylus and touch keypad and my eyes are tired from the glare of the screen... They want to go to sleep but my mind is so alive! Nobody's up in our house anymore and I'm too lazy to open the computer to see if any of my friends are online. So I'll just write whatever I feel like...
Just got home from a mini get-together with some college friends. I'm supposed to be dead tired after a long day at work and a late night but there must have been something in my drink that's keeping me up. This has happened before but I never figured it out... Sheez. I don't know if I had one too many (maybe I did) but I don't think quantity of intake had something to do with this seeming 'alertness'. In any case, I always feel comfortable in letting my hair down with my bestest friends because I know someone's always looking out for me.
----------------------
I don't understand why, especially for most of the older musical groups (or those who brand themselves as 'classic rock' bands), is it appealing to destroy musical instruments while performing live. Is that showmanship? Do the people who actually go to these concerts get a different high from watching things getting smashed on stage? I've seen older bands do it, like Nine Inch Nails, and it looked like it was sort of pre-orchestrated... they probably talked amongst themselves and decided hey, let's smash the guitar in this song. Then I'll grab a bottle of water, spill it on your keyboard and then splash it on myself and we all walk away. WTH. Drugs, probably.
------------
I guess the beauty of blogging is that you can talk to yourself without looking istoofid. It's just putting your thoughts out there for no one in particular unless you're blogging for revenue then you have to cater to an audience, increase traffic and attract advertisers. For me, like what I'm doing now, it's just writing whatever at 4 in the morning. Nobody really gives a damn about what music I like or what earphones I'm using but I like writing all this stuff here only because it provides snapshots of particular phases in my life. After years or months, I revisit my previous posts and I get to remember how I felt or what I did at that particular moment of my life. Like right now... talking nonsense.
----------------------- Finally, I'm feeling it. I am finally going to sleep. yes. -----------------------
My LSS while driving on the way home...
Will I ever get to where I'm going If I do, will I know when I'm there? If the wind blew me in the right direction Would I even care? I would, I would, I would...
